Marriage? The little joys of living alone
Living alone may have its downsides - like having no one to take care of you when you fall sick or having no one to talk to when you’ve had a bad day - but it also has plenty of perks.
For starters, you get to have all the space and privacy you need and you can do things in your own schedule. You can take a shower with the door open and walk to your bedroom without having to cover yourself with a towel.
You don’t have to close the toilet door either, even when you are having loud, gurgling diarrhoea, and there will be no one around to frown and twist their nose at the smell. You get to have the entire bed for yourself - both sides are yours and you can roll to either side without bumping into another snoring body that has hogged all the blanket and won’t stir even after you kick their straying legs.
When you have the entire house to yourself you don’t have to consider the needs of other people and make compromises to accommodate their demands. You live however you want without fear or guilt, knowing that no one will be there to disagree with you over the living room arrangement or your poor choice of carpet.
You are indeed king of your own castle, master of your life, without a self-appointed, live-in advisor on your couch suggesting you change the music because they don’t like it. Alone, you can watch anything you want – there’s no one else there watching their favorite show at exactly the same time you want to watch yours.
There’s no difference of opinion and no one to challenge your decisions – you have veto power over everything. This means less misunderstandings and conflict, and you always have some peace and quiet with no one to wake you up with their noises and shuffling around the house when you had planned to sleep in.
You can have loud conversations with yourself, act out scenarios in your head and do other weird, goofy things in front of the mirror without anyone present to question your mental stability. The freedom to do whatever you want in the confines of your own abode without any witnesses to judge or oppose you is truly satisfying.
Living on your own means that no one will touch your stuff. Things will always be where you left them and you know exactly where everything is. No one will eat the snack you’ve been looking forward to eating all day.
You can go home at odd nightly hours and even disappear for days without a nosy housemate waiting up to ask you "umetoka wapi".
You can bring a ‘friend’ over to ‘spend the night’ without worrying about someone listening to your ‘conversation’. You don’t even have to close the bedroom door to ‘sleep’. You don’t even have to go to the bedroom to ‘sleep’. You can have that friendly ‘sleep over’ with your ‘friend’ in whichever room.
A single-person living arrangement also means having lower utility bills – there’s no one else using the water or the WiFi and you can manage your electricity usage without inconveniencing anyone.
Your shopping requirements are few. Shopping is also easier and faster as you are not buying for a family of five, and you are in and out of the supermarket within seven minutes.
No one will look at you with anticipation expecting you to cook so they can eat. You cook when you feel like it or when you have no choice; otherwise eating out in your local kibanda is a welcome option. You also have few dishes to clean (and few utensils altogether) – which can be tricky because it is easy to ignore the few dirty dishes in the sink until they eventually pile up and you finally have to wash them because you need to use those plates.
Thankfully, there will be no one in your crib to complain about the mosquitoes breeding in the filthy sink and the bluish-green film on the one-week-old water in the dirty sufuria. No one to condemn you for your laziness and wanting sense of proper sanitation.
You don’t have to be on your best behavior when alone in your private residence. You can eat like an animal, straight from the pot, and gobble down the food like a starving feral creature.
You can chew loudly and make annoying smacking sounds, lick and suck on your fingers like a pleased glutton. You can belch louder than your father and yawn noisily without having disgusted glances thrown your way. And the gas takes longer to exhaust, as do foodstuff and other household essentials.