A wide range of factors can cause sexual dysfunctions
- Closely related to spiritual dimensions of sex is the energy flow between spouses.
- Maintaining a healthy relationship calls for investment of internal energy in your partner.
- This means thinking about them and directing your energy towards activities that make them happy. It means channelling energy into positive communication with them
“Doctor, can’t I just get a tablet to swallow, or an injection right away so that I am able to perform tonight?” Andrew asked. He had come to the clinic at 8am having suffered a humiliating erection failure the previous night. It was the first time this had happened, and he was scared stiff of facing his wife again.
Then came Jane, who was seeking a quick solution to low sex drive. “He has been away for some time, and he comes back this evening. However, I am not in the mood, and I am afraid that this will offend him again. Do you have something I can apply, drink or swallow just for the night?” Jane asked. She had lost interest in sex and before her husband travelled for a three-day meeting out of town, they nearly fought. He accused her of being insensitive to his needs and denying him sex.
It seemingly was a day for requests on quick fixes. It just dawned on me that this happens all the time in the Sexology Clinic; and it’s always an uphill tax explaining that sex problems require time to resolve. There are no instant solutions to sex problems because they are caused by various underlying issues, which require proper medical examination.
A sex problem can be caused by biological factors. For instance, hormones might cause low sex drive in both men and women. When some of the hormones are produced in small quantities or in higher than normal amounts, the first symptom could be sexual dysfunction.
But a huge chunk of sex problems result from self-esteem and body image issues. Self-confidence is connected to our sexuality. When people have self pity, do not value their image or appreciate their beauty, the results can be catastrophic. It could be a simple matter such as feeling too fat, or pimples that make you feel depressed and anxious. Or you grew up in an environment where you were a laughing stock due to your big-head. Many times, the resulting erosion of self-confidence manifests as a sexual dysfunction.
Sometimes it’s all about our emotions. There are times in life when emotions are heightened. The emotions could be positive such as during celebrations when people are in carnival mood. In such instances, sex occurs easily.
On the other hand, there are difficult emotional moments. It could be someone making your life difficult at work, or that you have been bereaved, or you failed your exams. These times of emotional lows, which for some people take time to normalise, affect sexual function. Unfortunately, in today’s fast-paced world, couples do not always know what their spouses are going through emotionally and may not understand why they are not performing in bed.
Increasingly, sex problems result from relationship issues. Sex is an expression of friendship and love. You function better when the relationship is functional. Dysfunctional relationships lead to dysfunctional sex. Unfortunately, this can become a viscous cycle — a couple is facing a challenge, hardly engages in sexual intercourse, and the two get suspicious of each other resulting in more problems.
Then there’s the connection between sexuality and spirituality. Sex is more than a physical act. Whenever two people engage in sex, their souls are also united. When this spiritual connection is absent, sex becomes a laborious duty. Soon people start finding excuses to avoid it; we are all too familiar with the headache that only comes during bedtime.
Closely related to spiritual dimensions of sex is the energy flow between spouses. Maintaining a healthy relationship calls for investment of internal energy in your partner. This means thinking about them and directing your energy towards activities that make them happy. It means channelling energy into positive communication with them; and spending the energy to clear emotional obstacles to your spiritual connection. In some relationships, however, positive energy is replaced by negativity. Spouses spend their energy scheming how to hurt each other. This is common where there are subconscious power supremacy battles between spouses. Often times, this manifests in bed, where spouses disappoint one another.
In summary, a wide range of factors can cause sexual dysfunctions. It may take repeated interviews with a doctor for some causes to be identified. In some cases, there are multiple causes. Once the cause of your problem is determined, treatment is directed to the cause rather than the symptom, which is what bothers many people.
A quick fix tablet, herb or cream can be a temporary measure but it definitely never solves the problem.