Heart advice: I recently found out my wife of five months is HIV positive

Heart advice: I recently found out my wife of five months is HIV positive
Photo credit: Pool

I am newly married, just five months old in the union. While dating, we underwent a HIV test with my partner, and she tested negative, but later, after I made the decision to stay with her, I realised she was taking ARVs.

I asked her about it and she told me that she has been positive from the day we met. I took a fresh test, which came back negative, yet we have been engaged sexually for long. I feel like breaking up with her, but I don’t want to hurt her. What do I do? Bramuel Omara, Mombasa

Readers advice

You said you have been intimate with your wife for long but you still tested negative despite the fact that she has tested positive for HIV. It is possible because of the discordant couples phenomenon. I don't advise you to break up with her. Better if you can visit the hospital together for direction on how you can live together even with the condition.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko.
Botwa, Kitale.

First, I don't understand how she tested negative if she is taking ARVS. Maybe she colluded with whoever did the test to facilitate a favourable outcome. If so, you should seek legal action against your wife and the doctor. That said, there is something known as discordant couples – a situation where one partner is HIV positive and the other is negative regardless of how long they have been engaged sexually. If you tested negative, then I advise you to take another test after three months. You might be lucky because she has been using ARVS which lower the viral load in the body hence minimising the risk of infection. You may turn out negative again. Lastly, bro, run for your dear life! It seems you don't know much about this lady.
Cyrus Bonyinyo,

Before you do anything, you need to take another test, even a third one. There are trust issues at play here, things you didn't know or discuss earlier before your union. You can either choose to forgive, or talk to her again about how you feel about this matter. The decision is up to you! If she didn't disclose this before, what else is she keeping from you? Please pray and seek counselling. Whatever happens, protect yourself!
 Susan Mwangi

Everything that has its foundation in lies will eventually fall. Yours is a classic example of just how important it is for both men and women to know who they are dealing with before committing. The consequence of failing to do this can be great! Leaving her may be the best option for you, but it will not change anything in case you are infected. Worse still, another man will take your place and suffer the same fate. Seek concealing, and let those wise enough learn from this.
Waittiki Walter Kinuthia,

I would break up with her for the lie. I believe marriage is about honesty and if she wasn't honest from the beginning, it'll be difficult to trust her again. Sit down and weigh your options. If you are going to stay, forgive her completely and don't hold anything against her.
Viozil Wa Cazorla

Two rounds of tests and she is still negative? Aren't you worried you may be the carrier yourself? Leaving is not any cure. Check if you are the one who is positive. That part is missing. 
Rael Oyuga

People looking to commit to marriage usually go for HIV testing three times. So, how could you go for one test and conclude that she is negative? The HIV virus could be at the widow stage. Lack of knowledge or little of it is worse than ignorance. Anyway, if you had unprotected sex with her, know that you may be infected. Move on and take ARVs. It is pointless to break up with her if you are both positive. The choice is yours.
Betty Asudi, Kisii

Expert advice 

You have a choice to make. You can either stay, or leave her. What is not clear to me is when you found out about her status. Was it before or after your wedding? If it was before you married her, then you consciously made the decision to stay and go through with the ceremony. If it was afterwards, then it is understandable that you would be disappointed with her having kept the truth from you.

You say you don’t want to hurt her, which means you still care about her. Before you pack up, I would like you both to seek medical advice on your situation to find out how you can stay together despite her status. Do not allow your emotions to drive you away from her before seeking medical advice.