Stop sending 'fare'
What happened to a woman making the decision to invest her time and other resources for a date? What is this weird trend about men sending ‘transport’ to women? When did our men lose the skill of wooing a woman to the level of bedazzlement? Did the lyrics run out?
What happened to be a well-informed, humorous conversationalist such that a woman would love your company and show up - by her own means – for a date with you? Why would I accept a man to pay the cab, or bus for me when I can pay for it? Doesn’t it take away my power of decision when I ask a man to send me fare for showing up at our date? What is going on, good people?
In my time – I see you roll your eyes and call me a dinosaur – we saved up and met on an equal footing. Be it that first date ever after high school when I borrowed our neighbour’s lipstick to sneak in for an ice cream date with my fellow teenage crush, to our first-ever date with Hubby as a career woman, I paid for my fare at the least. He footed the first bill, but on our second date, I paid for our drinks.
We have a problem. First of all, today’s man no longer feeds his brain. Gone are the days when we exchanged books, read great minds, discussed themes and plots and visited mysterious places through the pages of a book.
Today’s man is this shallow-minded keyboard warrior consuming hate-filled posts and spewing the same right back. He has nothing tangible in the form of brain matter to offer a woman. So what does he do? He buys her affections with a measly mobile money loan. A man worth his salt will ask a woman out on a date and not send her fare. He expects that she will be interested enough to meet him. The woman accepting fare to show up for a date sells herself short. How does she not see this as an insult to her person?
Never give a woman your ATM card. It’s a sexist statement, I know. But if money is all that you show a woman, then that is all that she will value you for. When the money runs out, do not be stunned that she will also pack and go.
I was shocked to learn that there are wives who receive a monthly allowance from their husbands. I complained to our couple mentor, that my husband does not give me a special allowance. Never mind that we have a family budget that includes our allowances to do as we deem.
“A woman feels good to receive some money from her husband, even when she has her own.”
This statement from our friends softened Hubby’s heart and he gave me his ATM card and, of course the PIN. I do not know what tender he had walked into as he had managed to load the debit card with some substantial cash. By coincidence, it is at this time that I realised how ancient and threadbare our curtains had become. I replaced them and had the curtain rods redesigned. Our kids needed a wardrobe upgrade, Hubby too, and since Toi Market does not accept card payments, I went to the shopping malls.
Our mattresses needed the waterproof covers I had seen advertised, and I got that sorted. Our sofas were an eyesore. Hubby took the ATM card back before I could get the seats sorted. This got me extremely upset, and I wondered then of what purpose was a husband when he could not let me have his ATM card without grudging about it. His worth seemed to have been temporarily tied to that money card.
The minute he withdrew it, I was forced to once again use my brain and hands for an honest day’s work. A wise thing he did, too, seeing as Covid-19 came along and ‘shown us things’ as we Kenyans say when we can’t find a fitting description of a terrible experience. We are changing the seats even without his ATM card. Gentlemen, stop sending fare. If she sees your worth, she will show up, even if you are in Lodwar.
Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. [email protected]